The Surprising Trick to Stop Worrying
If you’re like me, you’re no stranger to worry. Worst case scenarios and “what ifs” are your brain’s default mode. Many people turn to thought-stopping techniques like CBT, but for some, constantly fighting those thoughts can feel exhausting and endless. What if I told you the trick isn’t to fight the worry…it’s to accept it. Yep you read that right, acceptance may be your golden ticket to quieting those nagging “what’s ifs!” Let me explain why:
How worry tricks us
Chronic worry can be deeply frustrating because, logically, we know that it rarely provides useful information. Instead, it endlessly replays unlikely "what if" scenarios and exaggerated worst-case outcomes. So why do we keep falling for the worry trick? The answer lies in how we often misinterpret doubt as actual danger. In reality, doubt is simply uncomfortable uncertainty, not a threat. But when our minds confuse doubt with danger, we naturally want to eliminate it. This leads to various coping strategies: maybe you try to rationalize why your worry won’t come true, seek repeated reassurance from loved ones, or take extra precautions to avoid harm.
Unfortunately, these tactics often fuel the very fire they aim to extinguish. If this sounds familiar, don’t worry, it’s not your fault. The instinct to fight your worry is normal. In fact, it is how our brains have evolved over thousands of years and were divinely designed. The Bible mentions worry and anxiety over 40 times, showing that God understands our tendency to fret. Worry is a complex brain function, unique to humans, that can help protect us from danger and cultivate wisdom. Most importantly, it serves as a reminder to trust God more fully. As Isaiah 41:10 says, “so do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
From an evolutionary perspective, fear acts as a survival tactic. Our ancestors who were more alert to danger were more likely to survive and pass on their genes. This means if you are a chronic worrier, you may notice the same pattern in your family history. I want you to understand that chronic worry is not a sign of a weak brain or a flawed character. Instead, it is a complex brain function, created by God and refined by evolution to help protect and guide us when managed effectively. Therefore, no amount of shame will help you stop worrying. Now that this is clear, let’s talk about how to take the next step toward overcoming worry.
The Solution: Acceptance
Fighting worry tends to backfire because, as explained in "The Worry Trick" by David Carbonell, efforts to resist or eliminate worry actually grant it more attention and power, amplifying anxiety rather than reducing it. Avoidance and resistance reinforce worry, convincing the brain that these thoughts are actually dangerous. Acceptance, on the other hand, means actively allowing and observing your worry without judgment or attempts to change it. Accepting worry, which is not passive resignation, but a willingness to coexist with discomfort, enables more freedom to act on what matters, rather than being controlled by the efforts to suppress anxious thoughts. Now let’s talk about how to apply this concept practically!
Use Humor and Playfulness
Treat worries with humor, such as by composing worry songs or poems, or imagining worry as a comical heckler rather than a threatening voice. Try using the “yes and” method. For example if your thought is “what if I get a fatal illness?” You can respond by saying, “yes and I might as well make a reservation at the hospital and even the funeral home.” This method uses humor to diffuse the feeling of danger, lighten their emotional punch and diminish their power.
Schedule “Worry Appointments”
Set aside specific times in the day (for example, 10 minutes) exclusively for worrying. Do it in front of the mirror and say your worries out loud. This may sound silly but that’s the point! Outside of these times, gently redirect attention when worries try to intrude, knowing that a dedicated time for worry is scheduled for later.
Practice Mindfulness Meditation
Use mindfulness to observe thoughts and feelings without getting pulled into judgment or attempts to control them. This helps detach from worries and see them as passing mental events rather than urgent calls to action.
Belly Breathing
Apply deep, slow breathing techniques to manage the physical symptoms of anxiety. This activates the body’s relaxation response and makes it easier to stay calm when worries arise.
Acknowledge and Accept Worry
Recognize the presence of worrying thoughts without resistance or immediate problem-solving. Acceptance defuses the illusion of danger and allows energy to be channeled into more rewarding activities.
Apply the “Rule of Opposites”
Think about when a puppy gets off the leash. Your instinct is to chase him, but that usually makes things worse because he thinks it’s a game. However, if you do the opposite and run away from the puppy, he suddenly starts chasing you, giving you the chance to slip the leash back on. You can apply this same idea to worry. Since trying to stop worrying often makes it worse, try doing the opposite: accept, observe, and even welcome worry. This “opposite” approach disrupts unhelpful habits and helps break the cycle.
All of these strategies help reduce the grip of worry by fostering acceptance, encouraging mindful detachment, and transforming anxious thoughts into something less menacing. By changing your relationship with worry rather than struggling against it, you can reclaim energy and attention for more meaningful parts of life.
From a fellow worrier
If you’re a chronic worrier, know you’re not alone. It’s not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you or your brain. You were beautifully and perfectly designed. God has already equipped you with the ability to manage and accept your worry. The challenge He has given you is an opportunity to glorify and worship Him with your testimony. Your anxiety is not a defect, but instead a beautiful opportunity to trust God more.
Cory Fuemmeler, PLPC
